I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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