I cannot find my penis.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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