They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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