i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
