i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
