she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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