Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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