No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
