He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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