Whod you bang
Soap is not a condiment
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
