I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize