Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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