thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
