I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
