If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
