I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
