I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
