i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
