yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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