Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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