I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
