Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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