My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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