I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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