That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
