She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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