Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
