don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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