mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
