Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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