so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
