Sponge bath it is.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
