can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize