I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
