Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
