Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
