u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
