just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
