matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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