the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
