Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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