I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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