he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
