My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you never un-have a 4some
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your penis caused this!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
