Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
