Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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