this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
