Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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