We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
