I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
