So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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