Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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