Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
