You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ok first of all what the fuck
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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