you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
