Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
