I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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